You ever felt unpretty?
Or like no one ever notices you..
You’re not alone. I’ve had my moments, days, months, and even years of feeling that way.
Being dark skin isn’t the easiest, and being told your very pretty for a dark skin isn’t a compliment.
If you thought it was then STOP.
You just told me being dark skin isn’t a beautiful thing, but somehow I managed to make the cut.
Between my household family and friends I grew up being the darkest.
I now embrace that, but i use to be a little uncomfortable with it. I didn’t like standing out from the people I was around on the daily. I wanted to look like them.
“Black ass this and black ass that”
That phrase never bothered me by the way, but it sure did make it seem like it was a crime to be my skin color.
I personally always liked being dark skin, but I felt like everyone else’s didn’t.
Of course my opinion about myself was based off what others thought of me. So, just imagine how low my self esteem was seeking validation from others.
When I was a little girl I use to tell people I liked being dark skin, because if I get a scar on my leg you wouldn’t be able to see it. Corny, but true.
My freshman year in college was when my insecurities grew. I gained a little weight, and became so focused on things other than myself. I remember literally praying and asking God “Make me pretty.” That was my exact words. I was never comfortable dressing up and going out with other pretty girls anymore, because of course I felt I’d stand out as the ugly thicker dark skin.
I went from being a cheerleader every year in school working out all the time, being able to basically wear what I wanted; to not being able to fit any of my clothes the same and becoming frustrated about it. I wasn’t motivated at all to work out and was always looking for the easy way out to loose weight. For example I went to the extent of almost buying diet pills just to feel good in my body again.
I covered up the fact I was insecure very well. At least around my peers at that time. Eager freshmen’s in a new city around hundreds of new people nobody was paying attention to who was insecure or not. My actions were plain as day, but no one pointed them out.
A semester later I learned how to do my makeup. I actually learned how to do my makeup very good. People would always compliment on how well I did it. “Maybe God finally answering my prayers” I thought. He was finally opening people’s eyes and letting them know I am a beautiful person inside and out. Nah, I was still covering up who I really was and people just loved the face I painted on for them. Around this time I moved in with my random roommates, and they ate healthy and was dedicated to working out. I started drinking more water and completely took drinking sodas out of my daily routine. Nobody in the house bought sodas or Kool-Aid anyway, and I couldn’t afford to have my Refrigerator full like the one at my moms house.
Unintentionally I started eating healthier, drinking more water, and the results from that motivated me to start doing small workouts here and there. I didn’t live in the gym and I still don’t unfortunately, but I finally started taking care of my body again and I felt so good about it.
I’m so thankful God allowed me to feel every negative thought and insecurity about myself then, because I wouldn’t appericate the way I feel about myself today.
Today, I can look in the mirror with no makeup on, eyebrows and facial hair not waxed (I’m not a bear though) and love every part of myself. I can stare at myself in a full body mirror and complain how I don’t have any hips, but deep down Im fascinated with every inch of my body. I can be fully clothed and still walk in a room and turn heads without feeling the need to show any skin. I can comfortably talk to strangers and tell them about my blog and pass out my business cards and be confident about what I’m doing, and not sell myself short or not give myself the credit I deserve. I can get dressed in a room full of beautiful girls and still compliment them, but always know I can steal the show if I wanted too. I can take the compliment I look just like my daddy in a good way, and not think people are trying to say I look like a man. YES MA’AM I LOOK JUST LIKE MY DADDY, AND I WILL OWN THAT!
I say all these things not for you to think I’m Cocky, but to show you I’ve been sleeping on myself for too long and trust me people noticed. Just how now they notice how much I love myself because I wear my confidence on my sleeve, because it’s most definitely the new fashion!
God never made me less or more prettier than I’ve always been. He never added or took away anything from my beauty. He simply opened my eyes about myself. When you love who you are, and embrace everything God has created you to be you’ll take better care of yourself and it will show! You only get one body, so take care of it while you can. Not for anyone else, but for yourself.
-Dominique J. Lavergne ✨